标签: bloopers

Have you ever read any of those amazing church bulletins peppered with Freudian (sorry, I mean typewriter) slips? Well, all I can say is "Thank Goodness for church ladies with typewriters." The following items featuring some classic BLOOPERS actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: * The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals. * The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." * Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. * Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. * Don't let worry kill you off—let the Church help. * Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. * For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. * Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. * Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. * A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. * At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. * Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. * Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. * Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. * The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. * Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow. * The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. * This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. * Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. * The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. * Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. * The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. * Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. * The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours." If you run across any more little gems like these, please feel free to share them with the rest of us...