标签: funny

About a week ago, I emailed my chum Jim Adams requesting a picture of something I needed for something I was writing. Jim quickly responded that he didn't (bummer) have it, but as a way of softening the blow he pointed me at an interesting video of a motor bike review . It's not that I actually have a motor bike, you understand, but the way the reviewer talked about things really made me laugh – like the part when he goes for a test drive and you hear him commenting about the guy driving a Volvo. Of course this immediately reminded me of that really funny Triumph Rocket III video , where they show things like "Performing an emergency stop to help someone who's dropped their badger in road." In turn, this reminded me of the legendary Rockwell Retro Encabulator video – a spoof that (to my mind at least) has rarely, if ever, been equaled. This last one just fills me with awe and admiration. How could that guy keep a straight face while saying all of that? If any of these remind you of your own favourite "laugh-out-loud" videos, please share them with the rest of us.  

My friend David Ashton in Australia just sent me an email whose subject line read "Seriously?" My knee-jerk reaction was "Oh dear, what have I said or done that has raised David's ire?" Happily, once I actually (if warily) opened David's message, I found a bunch of humorous images, the best of which I wanted to share with you here as follows:                         I'm hard-pushed to pick a favorite, although I do really like the "Fish and Chips" one—and also the one with the "Bills" post box way in the air—along with the one telling us not to use the microwave and toaster oven at the same time. How about you? Which one tickles your fancy the most?

Knowing that I'm from England, a friend just sent me a funny email that claims to contain true snippets from British newspapers. Now, I cannot say if these are true or not, but they certainly seem to have the right "feel" about them ... by which I mean that if I were to read them in a British newspaper myself I wouldn't think twice about it... So check them out and then tell me what you think: Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, 'We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.' (The Daily Telegraph) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, 'This sort of thing is all too common'. (The Times) At the height of the gale, the harbormaster radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. ( Aberdeen Evening Express) Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled – 'He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'' ( Bournemouth Evening Echo) HEARD ON THE LONDON UNDERGROUND The following are a list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers are purported said to have made to their passengers (some of these might sound a tad far-fetched, but I've ridden the underground on many occasions and I've heard quite a few funny announcements in this vein, so I'm prepared to give them the benefit of the doubt): 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.' 'Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any.' 'Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Mile End and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination.' 'Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....' 'We are now travelling through Baker Street ... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that'. 'Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.' During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: 'Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately, towels are not provided.' 'Let the passengers off the train FIRST!' (Pause ) 'Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care—I'm going home....' 'Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions.' 'Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.' 'We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.' 'To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage—what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?' 'Please move all baggage away from the doors.' (Pause..) 'Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.' (Pause...) 'This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your arse sideways!' 'May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.'