原创 Plethora of puns

EDA analyst Gary Smith (www.garysmitheda.com) just sent me an email containing a positive plethora of puns. Does this count as "punography"?

According to the Wikipedia: "The pun, also called paronomasia, is a form of word play which suggests two or more meanings, by exploiting multiple meanings of words, or of similar-sounding words, for an intended humourous or rhetorical effect. These ambiguities can arise from the intentional use and abuse of homophonic, homographic, metonymic, or metaphorical language."

Good grief. This description is so dry it's almost funny in its own right. Anyway, check out the puns from Gary below. Some of them are really rather funny ... well, at least they made me laugh (grin).

* I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
* When chemists die, they barium.
* Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
* I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
* I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
* This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
* I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
* I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
* They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
* We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
* I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
* Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
* When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
* Broken pencils are pointless.
* I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
* What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
* England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
* I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
* I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
* All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
* I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
* Haunted French pancakes give me the creapes.
* Velcro—what a rip off!
* A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy
* Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
* The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.
* Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

How about you – do you know any good puns? If so, please share (a) the funniest puns you know and (b) the painful puns that really make one groan :-)