原创 Let Jolly Roger Telephone Co deal with telemarketers

When I first came to America, I happily tried to support everything, but (a) the number of calls kept increasing and (b) I discovered that some of these so-called charities were not what they seemed. Now I tell them that I don’t do anything over the phone, and that instead I contribute directly to the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital and to my local Downtown Rescue Mission.

Sad to relate, this doesn’t deter them. Thinking I still own my own business, they always start with the "Super-Duper Package" of ~$1,100, which always makes my eyes water. When I tell them "sorry," they gradually work their way down to the "You're a Weenie Package" of $25 and ask that I make an exception in their case. They only give up after I point out that all the other callers say exactly the same thing; also, that if I contributed $25 twice each working day, and assuming 4 weeks = 20 working days a month, I'd be donating $1,000 a month.

The end of the call leaves both of us feeling unsatisfied and me feeling guilty. Furthermore, in addition to the time I spend on the phone, my productivity drops for some time after the call because I'm still mulling things over in my mind.

And that's just the charities. I can't tell you how many calls I get from my "Local Google Specialist" (there seem to be a lot of them around). And then there are the companies who want to update my ability to accept credit and debit cards.

My son, Joseph, collects coins. A few years ago for Christmas, I bought him a couple of silver dollars that were minted way back in the mists of time when America was still a young country. Somehow this resulted in my being added to some "potential investor" list, which was subsequently sold to goodness knows how many companies. I can't tell you how many calls I get with offers to invest in anything from stamps to oil wells.

Arrgggh!

So you can only imagine my delight to discover the Jolly Roger Telephone Company (this started in America, but they now have numbers in the UK and Australia). When you receive a telemarketing call you wish to shine on, you simply conference in Jolly Roger -- 214-666-4321 in the USA -- and then put yourself on mute and let the Jolly Roger automaton converse with the telemarketer (human or robot). Take a listen to this example of the Jolly Roger robot talking to an annoying "Google Specialist."

If you visit YouTube and perform a search for Jolly Roger, you will be presented with a load of similar conversations. Good Grief! While I was typing this sentence, I just received another call asking "Can I speak to the owner of the business please?"

All I can say is that I love Roger like the brother I never had (of course I do have a brother, Andrew, and I love him dearly -- I love Roger like the brother I don't have). How about you? Do you think you might be tempted avail yourself of this free Jolly Roger service?