标签: quotes

I love reading funny and/or thought-provoking quotes in the signature sections of emails that come my way. In fact, I have four quotes as part of my own email sig as follows:   “Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.” -- G. K. Chesterton "The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me!" -- Nicol Williamson "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy when toasted and taste good with ketchup." -- Anonymous "It's sometimes difficult to determine if quotes found on the internet are genuine or not." -- Abraham Lincoln.   It's the first quote that's of interest to us here. Until I ran across this quote, it hadn’t really struck me that consumables like cheese tend to "fly under the radar" when it comes to things like poetry, presumably because poets are too busy trying to count the ways in which they love me.   As an aside, this reminds me of a classic joke by the British comedian and magician Tommy Cooper as follows:   I went into a French restaurant and asked the waiter, "Have you got frog's legs?" He said, "Yes", so I said, "Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich."   Ah, you can't beat the old jokes, can you? But we digress. I just received an email from my chum, publicity and marketing guru Alexandra Sorton, who said "I have the solution to your lack of cheese-related poetry!"   Alex then proceeded to point me at this website that provides links to cheese blogs, cheese education, cheese events, cheese organizations, cheese podcasts, and ... yes, you guessed it ... cheese poetry.   But wait, there's more, because if you visit the AllPoetry.com website, you can find poems covering just about any topic you can think of, including fermented dairy products .   The thing about the Internet is that there's so much of it. I then ran across the Cheese.com website, where we discover that -- in addition to cows, sheep, and goats -- cheese can also be made out of the milk from other mammals, including buffalo, reindeer, camels, and yaks.   In turn, this reminds me of the laugh-out-loud dogs' milk episode from one of my all-time favorite science fiction comedy programs, Red Dwarf .     It turns out that they are running short of supplies, and that they are now reduced to drinking dogs' milk. The ship's computer explains the many advantages of dogs' milk, ending with the fact that it lasts longer than any other type of milk.   Our hero, Dave Lister, asks why this should be. I only hope you aren’t drinking a glass of milk yourself when you hear the answer, otherwise you might find it shooting out of your nose.

"Work's the curse of the drinking classes." - Oscare Wilde   Does anybody remember that quota? Of course this is a play (no pun intended, Oscar) on an earlier saying "Drink is the curse of the working classes." (Anybody knows where that saying came from?) Why am I waffling on about this? Well, someone who should know better just sent me the following quotes related to drinking (I particularly like the warnings): Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink, I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your bra and nickers. "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they Wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ~Frank Sinatra WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny Youngman WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not" ~ Stephen Wright WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers" WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not...

Does anyone recall that quote from Oscar Wilde quote: "Work's the curse of the drinking classes." ? Of course this is a play (no pun intended, Oscar) on an earlier saying "Drink is the curse of the working classes." (Do you know where the original saying came from?) Why am I waffling on about this? Well, someone who should know better just sent me the following quotes related to drinking (I particularly like the warnings): Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink, I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your bra and nickers. "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they Wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ~Frank Sinatra WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny Youngman WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not" ~ Stephen Wright WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers" WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not...  

I love the way we float along in a sea of information these days; happily nibbling our way through tidbits of trivia and nuggets of knowledge...   I'm juggling too many balls in the air. This is unfortunate; because I can't juggle (you have to laugh). The thing is – like many folks these days – I spend an inordinate amount of time slaving away at my computer. As part of this, barrages of emails are constantly winging their way back and forth.   Sometimes you have a thread that grows out of nothing, takes on a life of its own, and starts leaping from one topic to another with the agility of a mountain goat (I'm waxing a tad poetic because we're closing in on the weekend, and I for one am more than ready for it).   For example, the editors of the various EE Times Designline sites were just bouncing a few thoughts around with contributions from around the globe as usual. As part of this, someone mentioned Bill Schweber (who is the editor of Planet Analog and one of the nicest of guys) with regard to his purported fondness of donuts. This sparked the following thread between Bill and myself:   Max: What type?   Bill: Dunkin Donuts only, please. No Mr. Donut and no Honey Dew Donuts – local chains here which are also popular, but whose donuts IMO are mediocre.   Max: Shouldn't this be "... IM(expert)O..." :-)   Bill: Humility is one of my many virtues...   I will have to remember that comeback and use it myself one day. At this point I decided to perform a brisk Google search and find a witty response in the form of a quote about humility. Of course I'm a fool to myself, because there's so much stuff out there and I found a bunch of great (and thought-provoking) quotes, which I then wished to share as follows:   "Be it ever so humble, there's no opinion like one's own." – Source Unknown   "Humility is the ladder to divine understanding." – Source Unknown   "If you are right, take the humble side – you will help the other fellow. If you are wrong, take the humble side – and you will help yourself." – Source Unknown   "When we become aware of our humility, we've lost it." – Source Unknown   "Humility like the darkness, reveals the heavenly lights." – Henry David Thoreau   "We come nearest to the great when we are great in humility." – Rabindranath Tagore   "When you are as great as I am it is hard to be humble." – Muhammad Ali   "They are proud in humility, proud that they are not proud." – Robert Burton   "Humility is like underwear; essential, but indecent if it shows." – Helen Nielsen   You have to admit that these are rather good (I personally agree with Muhammad Ali's sentiments) and – of course – there are many more out there (if you know of any good ones, please feel free to share them with the rest of us).   I should probably note that before penning this blog, I did email Bill asking: "Do you mind if I gather up our recent banter into a short blog?" Bill responded: "Go for it, I never put anything in an email that would cause me problems. I learned that from George Washington."   I couldn't help myself. I immediately replied: "a) I didn't realize you were one of his contemporaries and (b) I'm amazed to hear that you all had email back then."   Doubtless this will initiate another rally (or sally, or ... what is the word I'm looking for?) that will carry us through the rest of the afternoon...    

I love the way we float along in a sea of information these days; happily nibbling out way through tidbits of trivia and nuggets of knowledge...   I'm juggling too many balls in the air. This is unfortunate; because I can't juggle (you have to laugh). The thing is – like many folks these days – I spend an inordinate amount of time slaving away at my computer. As part of this, barrages of emails are constantly winging their way back and forth.   Sometimes you have a thread that grows out of nothing, takes on a life of its own, and starts leaping from one topic to another with the agility of a mountain goat (I'm waxing a tad poetic because we're closing in on the weekend, and I for one am more than ready for it).   For example, the editors of the various EE Times Designline sites were just bouncing a few thoughts around with contributions from around the globe as usual. As part of this, someone mentioned Bill Schweber (who is the editor of Planet Analog and one of the nicest of guys) with regard to his purported fondness of donuts. This sparked the following thread between Bill and myself:   Max: What type?   Bill: Dunkin Donuts only, please. No Mr. Donut and no Honey Dew Donuts – local chains here which are also popular, but whose donuts IMO are mediocre.   Max: Shouldn't this be "... IM(expert)O..." :-)   Bill: Humility is one of my many virtues...   I will have to remember that comeback and use it myself one day. At this point I decided to perform a brisk Google search and find a witty response in the form of a quote about humility. Of course I'm a fool to myself, because there's so much stuff out there and I found a bunch of great (and thought-provoking) quotes, which I then wished to share as follows:   "Be it ever so humble, there's no opinion like one's own." – Source Unknown   "Humility is the ladder to divine understanding." – Source Unknown   "If you are right, take the humble side – you will help the other fellow. If you are wrong, take the humble side – and you will help yourself." – Source Unknown   "When we become aware of our humility, we've lost it." – Source Unknown   "Humility like the darkness, reveals the heavenly lights." – Henry David Thoreau   "We come nearest to the great when we are great in humility." – Rabindranath Tagore   "When you are as great as I am it is hard to be humble." – Muhammad Ali   "They are proud in humility, proud that they are not proud." – Robert Burton   "Humility is like underwear; essential, but indecent if it shows." – Helen Nielsen   You have to admit that these are rather good (I personally agree with Muhammad Ali's sentiments) and – of course – there are many more out there (if you know of any good ones, please feel free to share them with the rest of us).   I should probably note that before penning this blog, I did email Bill asking: "Do you mind if I gather up our recent banter into a short blog?" Bill responded: "Go for it, I never put anything in an email that would cause me problems. I learned that from George Washington."   I couldn't help myself. I immediately replied: "a) I didn't realize you were one of his contemporaries and (b) I'm amazed to hear that you all had email back then."   Doubtless this will initiate another rally (or sally, or ... what is the word I'm looking for?) that will carry us through the rest of the afternoon...